another_hacker ([info]another_hacker) wrote,
@ 2008-09-19 02:02:00
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RARE CANDY nearly destroys Earth; show on Monday
CHECK IT OUT!! WE'RE IN THE NEWS!!

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BREAKING NEWS: Baltimore based videogame cover band RARE CANDY nearly destroys Earth in preparation for their next show at the Sidebar Tavern, Baltimore, on Monday, Sept 22nd 2008.

CNN: During more preliminary tests of the recently activated LHC collider - the largest particle collider ever built - scientists nearly averted disaster when a black hole was inadvertently created during a test proton firing around the 17 mile ring near the border of France and Switzerland.

Investigations revealed that CERN instrumentation detected an abnormal resonance response created from an external source. This caused the gigantic electromagnets to fire off independently from the central control room, thus accelerating particles out of control.

Fortunately, as predicted , this black hole was short lived and quickly evaporated, doing only minor damage to the interior wiring shaft - damage that CERN staff hope to have repaired in a only few weeks.

UPDATE: Police have traced this external stimulus to Baltimore based videogame cover band Rare Candy.

Band member and computer scientist, Dominic Cerquetti, was testing a new musical invention - the KEYTANA - a combination sword and keyboard - which is set to be unveiled on the stage at their next show at the Sidebar Tavern, this Monday, Sept 22nd, 2008.

While downloading data from LHC for analysis, Dominic reportedly routed part of the audio from Rare Candy's performance to the LHC's signal analysis unit. Due to a software glitch, the signal was mistakenly sent directly to the gigantic superconducting magnets causing them resonate in-sync with the music - effectively turning the LHC collider into one immense 17-mile-wide speaker on the surface of the earth.

The sound waves produced were so loud that Rare Candy's music was able to be heard around the entire world at different parts of the day. The sound waves are still encircling the globe and are expected to do so every 36 hours for the next few weeks, shattering windows and setting off car alarms worldwide. So far, no serious injuries have been reported.

When asked for comment, Dominic merely stated: "It was never my intention to use the world's larger multi-trillion dollar physics experiment as a sounding board to deliver our music around the world." After a brief pause, he stopped to think and then smiled. "But, that sure is a novel idea...."

Rare Candy is allegedly playing videogame songs from Mario, Zelda, Yoshi's Island, Chrono Trigger, Kirby, Star Fox, Star Tropics, Cave Story, and possibly more at their next show.

Dominic hopes to have all the bugs in KEYTANA worked out in time for Rare Candy's show at Magfest 7 on Jan 1st 2009. If not, says Dominic: "I will be prepared to risk the world again for one final performance. I believe it will be worth it."

WORLDWIDE FALLOUT: Political leaders were quick to denounce this incident as a case for more government oversight on physics, videogames, and rock and roll music.

John McCain was quick to release a statement: "Do we now see what effect that videogames, rock and roll, and gigantic superconducting magnets are having on our youth? If I'm elected president I will ensure that such an event won't happen again. The American people deserve better than to be bombarded with 'rock' and 'roll' music from France."

Stocks took a tumble as already nervous and haggard investors were shaken by the sound waves' passage over Wall Street this morning around 10:30am. The DOW, however, rose an astonishing 887 points in what top financial analysts believe is sudden long-term investment into large-scale speaker research.

"You see, we're much more than a band." says JD, the band's drummer. "Rare Candy *IS* the solution to worldwide economic crisis."



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